Be Fear-Less

So let's just back up to my last post. There is a reason that I haven't posted since January. I will be honest and say my last post was in all reality, fake. I was trying to be positive. Like really positive. Anything to mask the feelings that were really going on. Fake it till you make it right?

The year started out on a high. This New Year's was one of my best yet.  I spent it with some one I loved. And for once I got a New Year's Eve kiss. I had always dreamed of dressing up on this festive holiday. Everything seemed perfect.  I was happier then I ever had been.

A few weeks later I was alone; I was trying to figure out just what had went wrong. Had something gone wrong? I didn't even know. I was so heartbroken and confused and all the while numb. NUMB. That word feels the same way it sounds, like nothing. I honestly think I went in to some trauma mode or a form of shock. I couldn't feel anything. But how was this possible? A few weeks prior I was feeling so much! I had felt love, happiness, joy, excitment. Exactly what we all want, I felt. There has been very few times in my life where I had felt love like this.

It doesn't take long for a relationship to form. At least that's what I think. It seems like some of my greatest friendships have formed over a small random interaction. A simple hello can turn in to something we never expected. I am a very relational person and love doing life with people. I also know a lot can happen in a day, a month and a year. And it had.

What seemed like such a good thing had fallen apart in minutes. All the memories and laughter and jokes gone. I mean they were still there, but they now felt like needles poking every inch of my body. My heart dropped to my feet. I felt like I could barely breath. As fast as it had lit up several months prior it deteriorated in what felt like seconds. My year had abrutly taken a drastic turn for the worse.

My heart was officially broken.

I have gone through break ups before but nothing like this. It didn't make sense. This person had become such a close friend to me. I began to question everything. And then the blame game. What had I done?

Although it had only been maybe 7 months, it felt like it had been years. I believe we had covered more in those months then some people do in 5 years. It felt good. But its taken me the rest of this year up till the last couple of months to realize something had changed. May be we both did in ways, but I had changed. I had let fear creep in. We all know that fear paralyzes, it stops life, it stops growth. I don't know what exactly I was fearing but I do know that fear causes people to want to control situations. It makes you trust less and it brings negative thoughts. Yep, that was me. I have had to choose to be gracious with my self because as humans, that's what we do. We tend to let anxious thoughts get a hold of us. And if we don't deal with them upfront, they can take over.

I believe there are things in my life that definitely trigger fear. But I am learning to be fear-less. To go forward confidently with courage and boldness. I have always been more timid by nature but that hasn't gotten me anywhere. I believe God is using that relationship and broken heart to teach me to be more fear-less. We don't know till we try. Have faith! We are in control of how we feel.

So here I start again.

But I am starting somewhere.  BE FEAR-LESS!


Annie

       

                                          

Good Vibrations

So many good vibrations today! I got fitted in brand new pair of ICE SKATES this morning. I am super excited to get out and get some fresh air and see if I can handle the ice still. I remember wishing and pretending I was a figure skater when I was young. My cousin and I would jump and twist all over the living room pretending we were the real thing. So fun! 

I happen to work at the coolest place ever. Who knew you could transform a outdoor residential pool in to an ice skating rink in the winter?! It has happened here! To add to that, there will be chickens running around out there at some point. Ruby asked for a chicken for Christmas and instead of just one, she got 3 of them! They are pretty darling. I can't wait for spring so they can really run around. :) More pictures to come!

I have been attempting to eat very clean again in my life and it feels SO good. I feel better and my energy is increased. The hardest part is starting for me, so once past that, I do fairly well. I am saying farewell to processed most of all. I still like to indulge once in a while of course in a little chocolate somethin somethin. My biggest weakness is probably cheese. I am not bashful; I could probably eat a block of cheese in one setting if I really wanted to. And feel miserable for it. But dang cheese is good. 

There is so much good energy at the office I am at. It's so refreshing to be around positive, genuine souls. Good people make me happy. So sincere and caring. I am so grateful to know the finest people on the earth. I swear I know the best of them. I am making my way home to Alex (Alexandria) tomorrow for a fun filled weekend with family and friends. Looking forward to some much needed girl time! I LOVE my hometown but mostly the people that inhabit it. :)  No wonder the billboard reads:

"Easy to get to, Hard to leave"

Lastly, I made a fresh pot of Starbucks holiday blend just now. It's so inexplicable the love relationship I have with coffee. It stirs my soul and makes me so at peace with the world. I have always said, "A cup of coffee is part of my outfit." And I get laughed at of course but It's true! I am not complete with out it. :) #coffeelover #coffee

  

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U

<make it a fabulous day darlings>

annie

Just a quick update on my life since 2013 ;)

~

SO it's been well over a year, almost TWO years since I last posted on this blog. I am back and we will see how long this lasts this time. I really want to be a "good" blogger but I guess first you gotta have the right content right???  I won't say my life has been anything short of a reality show the last year and a half. 2014 was a breath of fresh air compared to the rough pages of 2013. Let's see where do I start?

Big change in my life starting in September 2013. A lifelong hope of being a nanny came true! I was welcomed in to a beautiful, loving home. Ruby Joy has been the center of my world since! Daily she amazes me. It's been so fun to see her grow up. Starting at 18 months to a now 2 1/2 year old. Somehow I think she is actually 2 going on 17 however. Of course God would place the sweetest, sassiest, smartest little girl on the planet in my care. I constantly get comments on how cute she is whether I am in Alexandria or Minneapolis. She literally is a small Minnesota celebrity. 

Apparently I found my niche' for now because after I was offered the full-time position as a nanny, so many other nanny type opportunities have fallen in to place as well. I have worked with so many wonderful families and even gone to Paris with one family! 2014 must of known how bad 2013 
was and was a little extra nice to me. Or maybe it was just the way God intended it to be. I feel stronger then ever.

I have always been a free spirit and not quite sure what I wanted out of life career wise. It has bugged me a lot at times that I don't know. I am not at all surprised that I sit here as a Nanny and I am writing to you because it is nap time. Along with the Nanny feature, I also have been able to work within a small business platform which to me is the best of both worlds. I work along side such wonderful REAL women who all have similar goals and values. Every day is truly a blessing and FUN. YaY for creative days rather then boring days sitting staring at numbers on a computer in a cubicle. For those that can do that, God bless you. I have surrendered to the cubicle and I hope to never work in one again. Cross my fingers!

Life has a funny way of kind of just working out. Nothing is forever but I feel nestled in right now at something I enjoy and mostly who I enjoy it with. Ruby challenges me and keeps me on my toes. Her age is totally fun because she can communicate almost anything now. I laugh to myself when she has her dramatic moments of elaborate toddler emotions. It's so hard not to. Someday I will tell her all about when she was 2! When asking her to pick up her toys in which she had managed to sprawl out ALL OVER in less then TWO MINUTES the other day, she dramatically replied in exasperation, "this is terrible!" Oh girly, if only you knew.... 

Nice thing with a blog is, you can write whatever and whenever and whoever wants to read it, can. My blog is mostly for my own creative juices to flow and for me to verbally express my appreciation for the little things in life. And maybe vent a little too. ;)

..

U

<make it a fabulous day darlings>

Annie

keep heart

~The thief's purpose is to steal and kill and destroy. My purpose is to give them a rich and satisfying life. ~

John 10:10

 

 I can't imagine life with out Jesus. His promises are so rich and give me hope. Lately life has been a series of storms. Each one adding to the other to create this tornado effect. I can't say I am fully out of the storm but I do know the one who calms the storm. And that's what is most important.

There are so many things I yearn for in life. I never thought I would still be single at 31. My heartfelt desire is to be a wife and mom. To create a home, to be pregnant and have babies and to raise a family. And here I am without any of that. I barely have a home :(

The purpose of this is not a pity party, but just to stand on the promise of God that He desires to give me an abundant life. That each day has purpose whether it feels like it or not. There is a Natalie Grant song that totally describes how I feel right now. It's called "Awaken." I couldn't state it better myself.

 

The lyrics are:

Sometimes I feel like I'm just existing
I'm not really living
I'm only watching the time slip away
I've forgotten who I am in you
I'm not who I'm meant to be
I'm drifting farther away from my destiny
[Chorus:]
Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
Awaken your power and take control
Awaken the passion to live for you, lord

Awaken me
My soul is longing, my heart is searching
I'm desperate for you to move
Give me a hunger, pull me closer
I'm crying out to you
Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
Awaken your power and take control
Awaken the passion to live for you, lord
Open my eyes so I can see your presence
Dwelling inside
Wake me up, 'cause I can't live another minute
if I'm not shining your light
Awaken my heart, awaken my soul
Awaken the passion in me
Lord, awaken me to live my destiny
Lord, awaken me and shine your light through me
Lord, awaken me to live my destiny
Lord, awaken me and shine your light through me

 

We get caught in the storms of life sometimes and we lose who we are. Maybe life gets too overwhelming. I know it does for me and I usually just want to check out. 

This is my cry that I would hold on. There are sunny days ahead. Keep HEART. Don't lose yourself. And if you have lost yourself, find yourself or re-create yourself.

Live SOULFULLY and with purpose. Find good friends and hold on to them tight. I am so grateful for those I am surrounded by. I love my friends!

 

 

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  U

<make it a fabulous day darlings>

annie carleen

chiropractic care: it's changed my life!

hooray for spring finally arriving!

~ 

this blog post is devoted to something very near and dear to me. i was introduced to chiropractic adjustments only a few years ago. ever since then it seems that i can't get away from it! i am very drawn to the fact that the body has every ability to heal itself. i am so grateful that my line of work involves something that i am very passionate about. i will go as far to say that chiro care has truly saved or at least greatly improved my quality of life. let me tell you why....

 most people think chiropractic is strictly for back/neck pain from lifting incorrectly or sleeping wrong, etc. well i was one of those people who thought that too. through routine adjustments i have learned that when my spine is properly aligned, i can think clearer, my energy is restored, my anxiety is reduced, i feel more balanced, i have better moods (and you can see why!), and finally my body releases tension that would normally lead to headaches and other body pain. so yes, that back/neck pain can be also a result of toxins and toxic emotions being stored in the body. trapped emotions can lead to muscle tension and chronic pain. believe me, i thought pain was 'normal' for so many years! well in my case, i had a lot of trapped emotions that my body had not released. i have found so much relief and comfort through routine adjustments and also the knowledge to be able to re-align myself through correct posture and stretching properly as well as combatting stress through breathing techniques.

this picture is definitely 'me' dancing!!

 i truly believe chiropractic can help SO many people. if you or anyone you know sounds like me, please seek out a good Chiropractor in your area. it's worth every minute!

YOU WILL NEVER BE THE SAME.

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  U

<make it a fabulous day darlings>

 annie carleen

joy in the gloom

happy monday

 today is monday and i had the day off. lots of 'life' stuff going on. it felt good to spend the day de-cluttering, if you will. life gets so busy and i find myself wanting to squeeze it ALL in. and that is exactly why i spent the last two days sleeping! so apparently i can't do everything :( even right now as i am writing, my mind is thinking of all the 30 other things i could be doing. how do i make it stop?!

it's funny because i actually get less done the more i want and plan to do. it pays to slow down and focus on one thing at a time but boy does it take practice. it makes it hard to enjoy life when you are running around trying to accomplish 10 tasks at a time and already on to the next thing. multi-tasking is great, but i definitely need balance in my life. it's my number one goal in life is to find balance! i believe life is better with balance because it helps with my ever present anxiety. yes, that's right the a word. sometimes i have so many things i want to blog about that i get so overwhelmed and don't blog at all. hence the month in between blogging. not cool.

my friend posted this picture to face book today and it could not be more true:

lol.

i have to say i see so much growth in my self lately. normally the doom and gloom we have been experiencing this MN winter would totally drive me crazy. but i am trying so hard to find joy even in things i cannot control. for instance today i found out that somebody did indeed steal my wallet last saturday and decided to spend $900 at foot locker on me. i had cancelled my credit cards as soon as i knew they were gone but even in the little time between, someone managed to do some damage. now it's the process of reporting the fraudulent purchases and spending a good portion of the day talking to my credit card company. i just made the conscious decision to not let it ruin my day though. it's totally out of my control. there is nothing i can do about it. such is life. so many things are out of our control. 

i love this caption. it's so true! i think i always used to think it would get easier. so far from true. if anything it gets harder!

so grateful for the opportunity to start each day a new and for the grace of God. 

i encourage you to take a moment out of your day and breathe. breathe in love and breathe out gratefulness. it's a beautiful thing.

p.s. watching a seinfeld episode always makes any kind of day lighter and brighter in my world

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  U

<make it a fabulous day darlings>

annie carleen

let go of limitations

good evening lovelies!

days like this are wonderful for so many reasons. mostly they make all the bad days seem non-existent. 

my day started off with a wonderful substance podcast and then a relaxing hair wash and blow-out! blow outs have become my new favorite thing. i even cancelled my gym membership so that i could get a membership at blast blow dry bar. i still lift at home :) and try to get blow-outs once a week! lol. 100% girl here. a strong one though.

"Blast in....Blow out"

 if you get a chance to go to the westend location, please say hello to my friend Latoya. sweetest gal ever!

hope everyone else in minneapolis today noticed that the sun was actually shining this morning! wow what a difference that makes. hooray for vitamin d!

my day started at 7am and i am just now sitting down at home to eat. actually the chicken has to bake first so its in the oven. talk about a day! where do i start...

 it's only tuesday but i feel like my whole life has changed dramatically this week since sunday. everything always falls in to place. but it never comes easy. i still have plenty of stress through it all.....but we gotta hold on!

Zig Ziglar shared this slice of wisdom yesterday on his page:

i have had plenty of days where giving up seemed like the only option. lately i have felt a new spark of life flow through me. could be i got better at taking my vitamin d and fish oil supplements daily (thanks metagenics) or could be a combination of that and just filling my life with hopeful words.

i was just basically handed a supplemental job yesterday. so that 'tbd' in my last blog post is now 'd' meaning, determined. i will be working with Dr. Ta at modern eye wear in minnetonka as well as my wonderful SuNu family. could not ask for more!

i cannot convey enough the power of words in dictating my own life. i am currently reading this book entitled Change Your Words, Change Your Life by Joyce Meyer.  unreal how powerful this concept is. do yourself a favor and watch your words. they have so much power over you and they work in both ways. they produce life or they produce death. which do you prefer?

fun random fact: i have had microwave popcorn for the last 3 nights in a row. 

 visit my latest blog i created for SuNu at: http://sunuwellness.blogspot.com

i may not have a boyfriend (yet) but i sure have quite the pinterest board of wedding decorating ideas....and i finally get to put them to use! my lovely boss and friend is finally having her long over-due wedding reception. and i get to help plan it! you have no idea how exciting this is. i think i finally found a venue for her today. woohoo! details to come...

 when the going gets tough, its only an opportunity for you to rise above the impossible. don't limit yourself ever.

 

 

 off to bed. i have a coffee date in the morning. not sure what i am more excited about...the date part or the coffee part?! ;)

 

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  U

<make it a fabulous day darlings>

annie