Be Fear-Less

So let's just back up to my last post. There is a reason that I haven't posted since January. I will be honest and say my last post was in all reality, fake. I was trying to be positive. Like really positive. Anything to mask the feelings that were really going on. Fake it till you make it right?

The year started out on a high. This New Year's was one of my best yet.  I spent it with some one I loved. And for once I got a New Year's Eve kiss. I had always dreamed of dressing up on this festive holiday. Everything seemed perfect.  I was happier then I ever had been.

A few weeks later I was alone; I was trying to figure out just what had went wrong. Had something gone wrong? I didn't even know. I was so heartbroken and confused and all the while numb. NUMB. That word feels the same way it sounds, like nothing. I honestly think I went in to some trauma mode or a form of shock. I couldn't feel anything. But how was this possible? A few weeks prior I was feeling so much! I had felt love, happiness, joy, excitment. Exactly what we all want, I felt. There has been very few times in my life where I had felt love like this.

It doesn't take long for a relationship to form. At least that's what I think. It seems like some of my greatest friendships have formed over a small random interaction. A simple hello can turn in to something we never expected. I am a very relational person and love doing life with people. I also know a lot can happen in a day, a month and a year. And it had.

What seemed like such a good thing had fallen apart in minutes. All the memories and laughter and jokes gone. I mean they were still there, but they now felt like needles poking every inch of my body. My heart dropped to my feet. I felt like I could barely breath. As fast as it had lit up several months prior it deteriorated in what felt like seconds. My year had abrutly taken a drastic turn for the worse.

My heart was officially broken.

I have gone through break ups before but nothing like this. It didn't make sense. This person had become such a close friend to me. I began to question everything. And then the blame game. What had I done?

Although it had only been maybe 7 months, it felt like it had been years. I believe we had covered more in those months then some people do in 5 years. It felt good. But its taken me the rest of this year up till the last couple of months to realize something had changed. May be we both did in ways, but I had changed. I had let fear creep in. We all know that fear paralyzes, it stops life, it stops growth. I don't know what exactly I was fearing but I do know that fear causes people to want to control situations. It makes you trust less and it brings negative thoughts. Yep, that was me. I have had to choose to be gracious with my self because as humans, that's what we do. We tend to let anxious thoughts get a hold of us. And if we don't deal with them upfront, they can take over.

I believe there are things in my life that definitely trigger fear. But I am learning to be fear-less. To go forward confidently with courage and boldness. I have always been more timid by nature but that hasn't gotten me anywhere. I believe God is using that relationship and broken heart to teach me to be more fear-less. We don't know till we try. Have faith! We are in control of how we feel.

So here I start again.

But I am starting somewhere.  BE FEAR-LESS!


Annie

       

                                          

Good Vibrations

So many good vibrations today! I got fitted in brand new pair of ICE SKATES this morning. I am super excited to get out and get some fresh air and see if I can handle the ice still. I remember wishing and pretending I was a figure skater when I was young. My cousin and I would jump and twist all over the living room pretending we were the real thing. So fun! 

I happen to work at the coolest place ever. Who knew you could transform a outdoor residential pool in to an ice skating rink in the winter?! It has happened here! To add to that, there will be chickens running around out there at some point. Ruby asked for a chicken for Christmas and instead of just one, she got 3 of them! They are pretty darling. I can't wait for spring so they can really run around. :) More pictures to come!

I have been attempting to eat very clean again in my life and it feels SO good. I feel better and my energy is increased. The hardest part is starting for me, so once past that, I do fairly well. I am saying farewell to processed most of all. I still like to indulge once in a while of course in a little chocolate somethin somethin. My biggest weakness is probably cheese. I am not bashful; I could probably eat a block of cheese in one setting if I really wanted to. And feel miserable for it. But dang cheese is good. 

There is so much good energy at the office I am at. It's so refreshing to be around positive, genuine souls. Good people make me happy. So sincere and caring. I am so grateful to know the finest people on the earth. I swear I know the best of them. I am making my way home to Alex (Alexandria) tomorrow for a fun filled weekend with family and friends. Looking forward to some much needed girl time! I LOVE my hometown but mostly the people that inhabit it. :)  No wonder the billboard reads:

"Easy to get to, Hard to leave"

Lastly, I made a fresh pot of Starbucks holiday blend just now. It's so inexplicable the love relationship I have with coffee. It stirs my soul and makes me so at peace with the world. I have always said, "A cup of coffee is part of my outfit." And I get laughed at of course but It's true! I am not complete with out it. :) #coffeelover #coffee

  

..

U

<make it a fabulous day darlings>

annie

Just a quick update on my life since 2013 ;)

~

SO it's been well over a year, almost TWO years since I last posted on this blog. I am back and we will see how long this lasts this time. I really want to be a "good" blogger but I guess first you gotta have the right content right???  I won't say my life has been anything short of a reality show the last year and a half. 2014 was a breath of fresh air compared to the rough pages of 2013. Let's see where do I start?

Big change in my life starting in September 2013. A lifelong hope of being a nanny came true! I was welcomed in to a beautiful, loving home. Ruby Joy has been the center of my world since! Daily she amazes me. It's been so fun to see her grow up. Starting at 18 months to a now 2 1/2 year old. Somehow I think she is actually 2 going on 17 however. Of course God would place the sweetest, sassiest, smartest little girl on the planet in my care. I constantly get comments on how cute she is whether I am in Alexandria or Minneapolis. She literally is a small Minnesota celebrity. 

Apparently I found my niche' for now because after I was offered the full-time position as a nanny, so many other nanny type opportunities have fallen in to place as well. I have worked with so many wonderful families and even gone to Paris with one family! 2014 must of known how bad 2013 
was and was a little extra nice to me. Or maybe it was just the way God intended it to be. I feel stronger then ever.

I have always been a free spirit and not quite sure what I wanted out of life career wise. It has bugged me a lot at times that I don't know. I am not at all surprised that I sit here as a Nanny and I am writing to you because it is nap time. Along with the Nanny feature, I also have been able to work within a small business platform which to me is the best of both worlds. I work along side such wonderful REAL women who all have similar goals and values. Every day is truly a blessing and FUN. YaY for creative days rather then boring days sitting staring at numbers on a computer in a cubicle. For those that can do that, God bless you. I have surrendered to the cubicle and I hope to never work in one again. Cross my fingers!

Life has a funny way of kind of just working out. Nothing is forever but I feel nestled in right now at something I enjoy and mostly who I enjoy it with. Ruby challenges me and keeps me on my toes. Her age is totally fun because she can communicate almost anything now. I laugh to myself when she has her dramatic moments of elaborate toddler emotions. It's so hard not to. Someday I will tell her all about when she was 2! When asking her to pick up her toys in which she had managed to sprawl out ALL OVER in less then TWO MINUTES the other day, she dramatically replied in exasperation, "this is terrible!" Oh girly, if only you knew.... 

Nice thing with a blog is, you can write whatever and whenever and whoever wants to read it, can. My blog is mostly for my own creative juices to flow and for me to verbally express my appreciation for the little things in life. And maybe vent a little too. ;)

..

U

<make it a fabulous day darlings>

Annie